When the puzzle fits, it ain't such a pretty picture

The aftermath after one month of pure bullshitting and slaving, it has finally come to a very bitter end. It makes me laugh how childish, and the fact that he pulled the final straw like a total bitch. No, seriously-- like a fucking girl. How?-- Smack talking behind my back. Dude, my fucktard girlfriends does that. What was that little boy? You'll fuck me up if I talk about how much of a screw up you are? Come get some. Bodoh. You're nothing but a waste of time. Madar sag!

Anyways, lets not waste anymore time talking bout that. Btw, my friends RULES. Times like this, you know who's there for you. Some shoved "i told you so!" on my face, some referred it unintentionally, and some was just plain there. A person shocked me by being by my side. Hmm.. time does heal. Hey it was pure mistake, so I didn't take anything to heart. In fact, I deserved it. Blegh. I just wish this "healing" crap goes by faster. It's such a drag. *Yawn*

This is officially my 3rd week in the hospital and I gotta say, the more I learn to put up with this place, the more I got attach to it. What to do? I'm the only one in the family that doesn't have a life for the time being... Not proud of it, not complaining either.

RANT! RANT! RANT!

Two weeks and some days in the hospital, in and out like I fucking live there and a person who just fucking ruined something, somehow great by being the type of person who I was AFRAID WILL BECOME IN THE BEGINNING. Sickeningly-unfortunately-predictably TRUE.





Thats it. It took me just that to go out of my fucking mind. How I wish I can rip apart my chest to show him how much this is hurting. To say is so impossible that it gave me a point blank. BLANKNESS to the point I can just stare into an empty space with just uncalled for and unappreciated tears. Womens weakness. At least its there to see.





UNAPPRECIATED. That's a word that kept knocking me out continously. A word that always catch me by surprise. Hey, check this; I did not know being appreciative comes within racial territory. Perhaps age-wise? So being younger gives you the right to be so ignorance? So stupid? Pardon my sarcastic remark. I'M JUST FUCKING SORRY, BUT BEING UNAPPRECIATIVE AND BEING SO MOTHER FUCKING OBLIVIOUS OVER- AND OVER. AIN'T THAT A LITTLE TOO SADISTIC?? NO- SERIOUSLY. It's just that, witnessing my fucking miserable past with that idiot, I THOUGHT you'd be coming to my mercy with something better to offer. But guess what? You picked me up and threw me back on the ground. HOW ABOUT THAT? Hm..





YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BE MAN ENOUGH BEFORE YOU STARTED THIS SHIT! YOU. SHOULDN'T. HAVE. STARTED. THIS. SHIT.


-- It takes two, I know, but I blame you.





Ahem- On a lighter note, I hope Spain won EURO '08. 25 years, show me some miracle baby.





In her,





Naddy.

Guess who's back? ;P

Boy, I was gone for quite a long time huh? I just realized that I never really keep up with anything I started. I know, shame on me. But then again I realized that I only start bitching on blogs when life got a little messed up. But when everything is smooth sailing, I tend to abandon the ship. Does make sense to you? Well, I don't care.

So, as the pattern goes, life is a little fucked sideways right now. I can't really get into details coz it'll be one hell of a read and I don't think you people would want to precious time doing so. First off, I'm not taking this semester of college simple because there's too much shit going on in my life right now that it's best if I just chill out. Yes, I am bumming around doing absolutely nothing on a daily basis; watching E! and movies on HBO. And then theres the occasional night life. There's nothing new to that. Second off, I FINALLY put the whole on and off relationship for almost half a year to rest. For good. Finito. Khalas. Tamam. The process was bitter but in the end, who can actually imagine us being together any longer? Even I can't. All I'm saying, if you are truly your fathers son, it's hard to change. Not trying to point out to anything particular, so that chapter is close. But hey, I tried to be a decent person about it after the whole break up shit but if it's returned unappreciated, fuck off. Is it true I was going for the friend? Well, no... Sort of... It's not as bad as it sounds. The feeling was mutual. Which bring us the third chapter, the new guy. LOL, I can seriously write a book. THINGS ARE NOT EASY AS IT LOOK. I'm not trying to say all Persians are the same, but Goddamn, the boy sucks at proving me wrong. I refused to look at it that way but not when my face is shoved to its direction.

In a state of confusion? Hell yes. But if theres one thing I learned from all this is that patient is not a virtue when its sucking the living life out of you. The feeling unappreciated just brought the whole dejavu feeling which got me thinking; this is going the same fucking road. Love or being inlove is not enough.

I am selfish, and I demand more. It's not that you can't give, you choose not to. Like hell I will stand back with my arms crossed waiting for you. Nothing in this world is important? That's truly immature. Love is not important? Look in the mirror, you are the outcome of love. MAKE UP YOUR GOD FORSAKEN MIND.

Enough said for tonight. Or morning. It's 5:15am and I should really get to bed. If it means any difference in your life or what so ever, I will update frequently.

Cheers.

In her, Naddy.

Oh! I got new pics. They are very vain but then again, I didn't ask you. :D

Sore Body... Sore Mind....

As most people know I had leadership training camp last weekend. The ONLY difference between this camp and boot camp is that we actually stayed in a nice hotel-ish room. Other than that, I feel like an army brat. On the journey there, I had pictured in my mind that was holding a piece of paper in the middle of a jungle, writing down different kinds of plants, insects, whatever. BOY WAS I WRONG. The moment we got there, which was early in the evening, the schedule was already prepared and started for us. Around 9 p.m-ish we were told that each one of us will be left in the jungle all ALONE. ALONE. IN THE FUCKING JUNGLE. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. R U FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Anyways, the funny part was that the trainers specifically told us NOT TO WANDER AROUND. Well, fuck me, how the hell am I suppose to SIT STILL in the middle of a PITCH DARK jungle. I can't even sit still in my classes. So, I started to wander... Haha.. I did found a friend and like stuck to him until somebody get us which was like an hour after that. Bitch.

Yeah, and my roommate DITCHED me. I don't know her anyways, so I don't care. My lovely homeboys kept me company :)

There were much more activities which I'm too lazy to elaborate on like the high and low rope training. Iman's sweatpants was so muddy, I think I'm just going to buy a new one for her. Hehe... And congratulations to Hamid's team for selling an imaginary yak for $1mil.

It sucked to go back home coz then we back to face back reality... Back to assignments, research reports and presentations which all due this week. Sigh... I wanna go back...

Dreaming of....

Event-full Weekend, Huh?

I don't know whether to have a mental breakdown or laugh hysterically; this weekend was really something out of the ordinary.

It all started off on Friday, saying goodbye to a few friends going to this leadership camp thingy. I mean, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. But I guess I have to bear with it the next time. Which, by the way, I was thinking of going for it this weekend instead. Theres this girl who was carrying a huge ass Burberry luggage. I mean, you can be stuck in the middle of nowhere, with complete isolation, BUT DON'T FORGET YOUR BURBERRY GIRLFRIEND~! LOL. Sorry, that was mean.

And then on Saturday, the whole drama begin... I mean, yeah, I'm so used to it, but this time he crossed the line and he just BROKE my walls of sanity. Welcome to my hell. What is it about THIS TIME? Well, it was about me, having friends. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you heard it right. Supposedly, according to him, I "dont spend enough time with him", "it's all about my friends". Well, fuck you. I TRIED to make time and see you every fucking day. Even for five minutes, I FUCKING TRIED YOU ARROGANT FOOL! When I'm there you treat me like shit, when I'm not, you pushed me to the max! And the part that just does IT, were all the "shut up", "go to hell" and "fuck off". OMFG, that pulled the trigger. Got nothing else to say, little dude? I told him man, the third time is the final round. I am just OVER THE WHOLE DAMN THING. I'm not your dog!

ANYWAYS, ON THE BRIGHTER NOTE. I was dragged to watch the Golf Malaysian Open thingy at Permai. Well, not really a brighter note, isn't it? But it was fun (beside the fact that I GOT SCREWED BY A CERTAIN SOMEONE FOR SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY). Let me tell you this; I will never learn to appreciate the damn game. I'm sorry, I just can't. I don't have the patience, I just can't stand the heat, the anticipation and the whoe shibang. Don't care how many pros were in the field, I was not impressed. I was ANNOYED. One ball, EIGHTEEN HOLES! EIGHTEEN!! And a course as big as Singapore! Hell. No. It was raining so hard, they had to stop the game and proceed one its over. Me and my brother were walking around like a bunch of hooligans, doing everything else BUT watch the game. Towards the end when we were bored and exhausted, we have no choice but to sit down and watch the end of the game. All and all, it was an okay day. Better than having to put up with some shit thats not even worth it.

In her,

Naddy

End of Sem Can Kiss My Ass

It's fucked up that we're treated like a bunch of kids at college. I mean, giving out absentees letters to parents every month, where the fuck are we?! In high school?? I mean, even my own high school don't do shit like that. And we pay even less shitload of $$ for that too. Milking for $$ for students to come back and study the same shit, are we? Ya'll need to take a chill pill or two. My parents are very technical. They dont give a shit how many classes I've missed, but they'll throw a fit at the fact that THERES A FUCKING LETTER SENT TO THE HOUSE FROM COLLEGE. That's the big issue. Barring letters are fine, but absentees letters are just fucked up. If they're trying to prove a point, I don't see it. I see the same shit everyday. Seeing the same people missing from class everyday. NOT. COOL.

To top it all off, it's almost the end of the sem, which means all the workload I've creatively procrastinate throughout the sem are due somewhen this week and next week. And I'm talking about assignments, research papers and presentations. So far two research papers down, and a shitload more to go. I'm seriously bucking up for a longass week and I'm on maximum absentees for most classes. REMIND ME WHY I LIVE, AGAIN?!

It'll be MUCH APRRECIATED, if the people (more like a person) I love wont give me such a hard time and create uneccessary drama for the whole week.. Like I don't have enought shit going on. Chasing around a sulking person will seriously break the wall of my sanity.

In her,

Naddy

Step Up 2- The Streets

Hey guys. I'm back.. Just to tell you guys about the sickest most incredible dance movie around. You Got Served got SERVED coz Step Up 2 just kicked their asses. It was way better than the first one. (No offence, and I still think that Channing Tatum was still awesome in the first one). I haven't danced in a while and this movie just made me go out of my mind. The dance chereography is mixed with intense ballet, classic and modern hiphop, IT'LL JUST BLOW YOUR DAMN MIND AWAY. I watched it for the first time and I just coundn't get enough of it, so I watched it for the second time yesterday with Iman. By the time the movie finished, me and Iman just started breaking into random moves.

Those people who said the movie sucked, well they can't dance for shit. Yeah, the romance story line might be a little lame and cliche. But Andie and Chase are probably one of the hottest dance duo. But it sucked that Tyler (Channing Tatum) only has one part of the of the movie. But then again, his time was up ;)

Go watch it people. Skip class, work, life whatever, it's worth it.

In Her,

Naddy

The "Changed" Fool...

I wanted to laugh when you said you've changed

Because it's hard to believe that someone like you would
But I guess you made yourselve look like a fool

You just proved everybody that you are, indeed, incapable of doing so.

Maybe you did somehow changed

My mistake because I didn't ask you how

You stoop to a new low

You became more dispicable and impossible

That, my darling, was your change.

It was stupid of me to greet you back with open arms

To believe everything you had said and your charms

It was beautiful at first but it turned rotten

Just like the first try we had, it'll never be forgotten.

You will never learn the meaning of true love

And I feel so sorry for you

Man mikhastam bekhandam vaghti gofti ke avaz shodi
Chon sakht bood bavar kardane in ke kasi mesle to avaz mishe
Amma benazar miyad to khodeto ye ahmagh jelve dadi
Faghat be hame sabet kardi ke, Vaghan, Az pase in kar ya karhaye dige bar nemiai

Shayad ham avaz shod
Eshtebahe man in bood ke naporsidam chejori avaz shodi
Maloom shod Tanazol peida kardi, yekzare ham behtar nashodi
Faghat bishtar Yek Dande,Laj baz va sang del shodi
Ine bood avaz shodanet

Ahmaghiate man bood ke toro dobare bebakhshamo baz bekham
Ke tamame chizayiyo ke gofti bavar konam
Avalesh ghashang bood ama fased daromad
mesle avalin bar, hich vaght faramoosh nemishe

Hich moghe maenie vagheyie eshgho nakhahi fahmid
Va man barat motasefam

In Her,

Naddy

As Sweet as Cupcakes...

No, not really. I just couldn't think of anything for the title. Though, on V-day, I did attempt to make cupcakes (you can sense a "but" coming on..), BUT! they turned out to be... pre-baked-shrunken-poofed! bunch of little thingies. SO... It didn't actually fall on the hand of my loved one (except for my family, they have to love me no matter what despite crappy cupcakes right?). Though he did pissed me off beforehand, so I wasn't in the mood to give him any. AGAIN, despite of the crapiness. Hey, I'm not saying my family deserves just that... I mean, my brother will like.. EAT THE DAMN THING happily with no complaint. Sigh... If only all men in the world are like that... :)
Anyways, it's been a long week, I've been sick, had Physcho exam which I think I'll fail will flying colors. My friends poor heart got broken. Like mine on a daily basis. Man.. When people said they change... I really don't know what aspect to see and I don't know who to blame when I don't see any.

Yeah. I'll keep an update asap. Right now I feel so sick... *BLEGH!!!*

In Her
Naddy

*.'::+::'.*Happy Valentines! *.'::+::'.*

Hey V-Loves~! Here's the deal. About week ago, I was preparing myself for a lonely valentine. Hey, not that I mind, I mean, whatever. Consider what happened in the past month, I was glad not to share the oh-so-joyous love with anybody. BUT-- I guess V-angels were screwing with me when everything took a turn and a love were re-united? Ok, that was gay. Lets just say things were mended and today, ROCKS ON ICE BABY! :D It all started when HE overslept and was 3 hours late. How romantic...

Anyways! College looked like a sea of... blood?? Ok, I'm going to try to be a little subtle here. Bed of red roses? Yep, kids actually LISTENED. Most were wearing red, holding valentines goodies, balloons, chocolates, roses, ect.. And today gave them MORE reason to cuddle up and make out in the halls. LOL.

Alright, I'm going to shut up now and try to do my English assignment which is kind of due tomorrow.

Asheghetam azizam..

In Her,

Naddy

KARMA (in. your. face!)

What goes around, comes around, what goes up, must come down

Shizzam! Hahaha! For those who have no idea whats going on (like you people care anyways), let's just say Ms. Karma have a funny way of turning things around. A little late than I hoped for but I guess better late than never right? Though... It kinda put me in a very difficult position. To be or not to be? Aih, fuck this. The thing is that, if to be, will I able to handle everything that I couldn't before? Am I ready to face the same shit over and over again?

Anyways Gong Xi Fa Chai!! Pigs gone, here comes the rat! LOL. My holiday is a little lonelier than I thought. Everybody is kinda gone for holidays. And all I did was looking at fishes in Aquaria (how gay, huh). Even that I didn't even enter. Psshh! That's why now, I'm all alone in Starbucks KLCC, waiting for both of my brothers to be done with their movie. Why I didn't go? Coz I thought that I have a life, but sitting in Starbucks all alone, clearly tells you that I dont.

My eldest brother came to visit us today and he has a bigass plaster on his forehead. Funny as shit coz he looked an Indian sami. But I kinda stopped laughing when he told me he got hit by a golf ball. Can you imagine... TEE OFF! For those of you who doesn't speak golf language, it means the first hit on the green. 11 stitches... OUCH. Why am I sharing with you this gross experience, I have no idea. Maybe I'm just bored as shit.



<~~~~ This only implies to my brothers. Other than that, no chance. Go get plastic surgery.

I'm just kidding.....

(maybe)


XOXO
In Her,
Naddy

My first randomness ^_^V

As I sat here in Starbucks PBD, I thought to myself, why the fuck is it so dark outside?! Then I realised I didn't take off my shades ^_^;; Sorry, for the abrupt randomness. I feel really gay doing blogs, sometime I thought to myself, why the hell did I even try?? But then again, theres only so much people that can take my ramblings, bitchings and my, as you can probably guessed, randomness.

I have so much to say, but I'm kinda STUFFED with speghetti carbonara @ Delicious. And god damn, when they say creamy, THEY MEANT CREAMY AS SHIT!

Here's what got me thinking... (aside the fact that I feel like I want to throw up), most people start writing blogs as their life started to get... I don't know how to say better than... FUCKED. I mean, my life is not that bad now. Well, my ex did left me after he's like... done. I've been skipping class ALOT and its only the 5th week of the sem. My assignments are PILING up (god bless procrastination), if I'm not mistaken, I have a presentation due somewhen next week, I'm missing somebody I shouldn't even miss in the first place. I lost my touchNgo which has like a hundred bucks in it and I think I'm loosing some people in my life. OMFG, MY LIFE IS FUCKED!

Its okay... It'll be settled one by one anyways... See how optimistic I am? Which only leaves me in a messier position in anyways. Aih...

<~~~ Thats how I feel what love can do to you sometimes. Either it brings you joy or pain along the way, towards the end you always feel like all it did was give you new ways to to commit suicide. I'm just kidding XD But love can bring you to a new low point in your life that nothing else can. Babi betul. Just when you had it all figure out, some motherfucker had to go and ruin it.

But then again, never regret something that made you once happy. Well, fuck them. You fucking regret it when it made you happy once, but misery for a long, long time, right? Thought so. Theres nothing wrong with feeling pure hatred towards that person. Especially when you know it was all his fault :D Haha! XOXO

Later~

In her,

-Naddy-

The 4.1.1

It's only natural that I introduce myself before I start bitching about life and everything in it, right? So here goes...

The name is Naddy, its short for Nadhrah. Im turning 20 on Sept 16th which SUCKS almighty coz theres nomore "--teen" on my age anymore. Whats more sad is when I look back and think, I didn't really do much in my life. (No reason to be all sentimental, I don't give a shit.) Anyways, carrying on, I'm currently doing my foundations in HELP institute. NO, it's not a REHAB center, you idiots! It's a college. Yes, I'm still doing foundations although I'm like way past my age, but I did wasted a year in... "Hell", yeah, that would cover it. :) Only girl out of four boys. Which doesn't explain anything about how I am, so I'm not gonna say anything about it.

I love music. I listen to absolutely anything and everything. From pop to rave, from jazz to rock. Kpop, Jpop, whatever pops you can find out there. Adores Justin, Beyonce, Shakira, Timbaland, Ministry of Sound, Tiesto, Benny Benasi, Kangta, Fly to the Sky, Boa etc.

Ok, whatever, I'm gonna stop right here with all the introduction and all. Stay tune for the next blog post aight? Chiao~